A renowned couples therapist has revealed the one thing she finds genuinely unsettling in other people’s relationships—and it’s not what you might expect.
Dr. Orna Guralnik, a clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, and star of the hit series Couples Therapy, recently appeared on The Jay Shetty Podcast, where she offered insight into what truly defines a strong, healthy relationship—and what raises red flags for her.
While many people assume the longevity of a relationship or having children are clear indicators of success, Shetty pointed out that society often relies on “basic markers” to judge whether a couple is thriving. Dr. Guralnik agreed, but warned that surface-level signs can be deceiving.
“There’s an atmosphere that surrounds healthy couples,” she explained. “You can sense mutual respect, affection, and a level of acceptance between them. They’ve created a world together where both can thrive. That’s what a good relationship looks like.”
She emphasized that the strongest couples evolve together, adapting and growing even under pressure—not avoiding it. But when it comes to one particular claim that some couples make, Guralnik admitted she finds it deeply troubling.
When Shetty noted how many people boast, “We never argue,” Dr. Guralnik immediately responded: “That sounds scary.”
She elaborated, saying that couples who don’t argue make her uneasy because it raises questions about how honest and emotionally open they really are.
“Do they just not talk? Do they avoid expressing their differences? That’s frightening,” she said. “It seems unreal to me.”
For Dr. Guralnik, conflict isn’t a sign of dysfunction—it’s a sign of life. “Differences are where the richness of a relationship exists. The ability to face those differences and work through them together is what makes a relationship strong.”
She warned that couples who claim never to argue may be repressing their emotions or avoiding conflict altogether, which can indicate deeper issues such as fear of confrontation or emotional disengagement.
“Are they becoming so enmeshed that they’ve lost their individuality? Have they vanished as separate people?” she questioned. “That’s not healthy—it’s just not real.”
In her view, real growth comes not from perfection, but from a couple’s willingness to face discomfort, resolve disagreements, and keep evolving together.